res·o·lu·tion [rez-uh-loo-shuh n]A resolution is a strong and unmovable statement, and by strong I mean fragile, and by unmovable I mean it stands upon the edge of a knife. Stray but a little and it will fail. But hope remains, if friends stay tr... sorry, I just watch the Lord of The Rings over the weekend.
noun
- a resolve or determination: to make a firm resolution to do something.
- the act of resolving or determining upon an action or course of action, method, procedure, etc.
- the mental state or quality of being resolved or resolute; firmness of purpose.
If you resolve to stop eating sugar for example, what happens when your super cute niece bakes you cookies and you can't say no because she won't understand that by eating the cookie you will be breaking your resolution? She'll just think you're a big jerk who doesn't like her anymore.
Let's face it, we're humans and we make mistakes, we compromise and we justify - we do all these things that prevent us from being perfect. Unfortunately a resolution requires perfect will and foresight to be accomplished successfully. The first time you mess up, your resolution is null and void, you failed!
Setting goals instead.
Goals are more powerful at motivating us because they don't have that built in failure mechanism that resolutions do.
goal [gohl]Goals are more of a process than an I'm-not-going-to-budge attitude, they can allow us to be flexible, and they can be broken down into smaller short-term achievements.
noun
- the result or achievement toward which effort is directed; aim; end.
What goals we set and how we form them will have a huge determining factor on their success. I want to share a few thoughts I have on the subject that may help you (and me) achieve our resolutions this upcoming new year.
As a conservative American when I'm told that I can't do something, it makes me want to do it even more, it's just in my nature to push back. Take fasting for example (not eating for 24 hours for spiritual reasons). There's times when I'll skip entire meals simply because I forgot to eat or I was too busy and just didn't think about it. But when I fast I get super hungry, suddenly everything looks good, and I can't stop thinking about food.
Think about this:
I want to but I can't.
vs.
I can but I don't want to.
The difference may seem very subtle but to me it's also very profound. I've found that setting positive goals works much better for me than setting those "stop doing" or "don't do" goals. For example instead of making a goal like "I'm not going to eat sugar" it's better for me to make a goal more like "I'm going to eat a ton more vegetables" So instead of wanting sugar and not being able to have it. I'll be able to eat sugar but probably wont want to as much because I'll want to save room for the vegetables.
I've also found that flexibility is a very important component. I'm a bit of a martial arts enthusiast and there's an idiom that you've probably heard before - roll with the punches. When you're in a fight you're going to get hit, there's really no way around it (unless you're very lucky (or just super good at fighting like me :p )). It hurts, there's no question about it. One thing you don't want to do is take a punch straight to the face, you want to roll with the punch. Basically turn your head away from the punch or step back. Doing this will deflect the punch a little and also soften the blow. You're still going to get hit, but you probably won't get knocked out and you'll still be in the fight. So why roll with the punch, why not just block it or move? It's a valid question and the answer is simple, there's no time. You obviously didn't see it coming and you have only milliseconds to react. Unfortunately our lives are filled with these types of situations. I'm not necessarily talking about getting punched in the face, but there will be obstacles in our lives that we didn't see coming and didn't fully prepare for. Things are going to happen that will force us to choose the lesser of two evils. How we react to these situations is important. Setting flexible goals that aren't sink-or-swim will help us make those split second decisions that will help to mitigate the damage. For example instead of saying "I'm going to eat more vegetables" it might be a little better to say "I'm going to eat more healthy by eating vegetables every chance I get" What if I eat out and they don't have vegetables? The answer is built in - simply make the healthiest choice.
If all else fails and your goal simply wasn't flexible enough, don't quit! Be flexible and reevaluate your goal, set a new one, or simply reword the one you have.
It's also well worth the mention to make realistic goals. Some goals no matter how flexible simply aren't realistic. For example I would love to live on a spaceship flying toward a distant earth-like planet filled with 15 foot tall blue aliens where I could remotely control a body just like theirs and reenact the Pocahontas story... but that's simply not going to happen, at least not for me. For one I have a family to support and I wouldn't want to raise them in a spaceship and two I'm not a scientist or anyone of particular importance, I don't even have a twin brother.
Making your goals measurable, specific, attainable, and trackable (has a time limit) will almost certainly produce a realistic goal. "Lose 10lbs in 4 months by eating more healthy, and eating vegetables every chance I get" is a good example, you can measure it by standing on a scale. It's specific. It's attainable with room for unexpected obstacles and it has a time limit. An unrealistic goal will be lacking in at least one of these aspects.
Going into the new year it's traditional to set a resolution that will typically take the rest of the year to accomplish. Setting big lofty goals is good, but it's not good if that's all you do. Goals like that are generally too long term. I personally love to procrastinate. If I know that something is a year away, I will do absolutely nothing about it. When it's about 6 months away I'll probably start to think about it a little, but still wont do much about it, and when it's only 2 months away and I haven't done anything about it and there's simply no way to accomplish it in time, I'll drop it altogether. So what's the solution to this common human behavior? Set more than one goal that aim to achieve the same result. Set a 1 year goal, a 6 month goal and 1 month goals along the way. Lets say I want to run a half marathon in 1 year. it might break down like this:
"In one year I want to complete a half marathon"
"In six months I want to complete a 5k"
"In one month I want to be able to run for 20 minutes without stopping or slowing down"
"I'm going to eat more healthy, and eat vegetables every chance I get so I have energy to run"
As you can see there's multiple short term goals and they all point to the end result of completing a half marathon.
My final thoughts on the subject are that a secret goal will almost always fail. Remember that we're humans and we make mistakes, we compromise and we justify, and if we're accountable to no one but ourselves we'll fall for these traps. Share your goals. Don't keep them a secret. Tell as many people as you can trust. Encourage them to also make goals and share them with you. Help each other out. Remind them about their goals and ask how there progressing, and ask them to do the same for you. Accountability is a strong motivating factor.
In the end you can call it a new years resolution if you want, but only for tradition's sake, goals are the only way to go. I'm not sure what my new years resolution is going to be yet, I still have a few days to think about it, but writing these thoughts down has help motivate me to get up off my arse and do something. Hopefully it has done the same for you. Enjoy the new year!
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