There's been a lot of opinions on Facebook in the past few days, and damn it I have one too! I just don't want to change my profile picture. I don't think people understand the great power and responsibility that comes with changing their picture, it's too much for me to handle!
On the issue of gay marriage one must understand that it's a complex issue and it should invoke some serious thought and reflection. I see a lot of my friends changing their profile pictures and like'ing silly poems and info-graphics (on both sides of the opinion). I'm sure that most of them have thought through the issue but unfortunately it comes across to me as a shallow knee-jerk reaction. I want to share my opinions because I feel that the issue is much deeper than most are willing to admit. I've given this a lot of thought and not just over the past few days.
Disclaimer: I'm not gay and I apologize if any of this comes across as ignorant, I do try to stay open minded.
Before you judge someone you must first walk a mile in their shoes, that way they're a mile away and barefoot.
Opinion 1: Are we born with it?
I don't personally have same-sex-attraction but that doesn't mean that I can't try to understand it. Before I delve too deep into this I want to make it clear that I don't necessarily think that same-sex-attraction is a choice. Think about it this way, are you in total control of who you're attracted to? Be honest! I don't necessarily think that we are stuck being attracted to the same types of people for our whole lives. However I do think that it's something that is hard to change; though it definitely does change with experience. For example I feel that I am more attracted to my wife now than when we got married, conversely I'm less attracted to other women in general. There are also some women that I am totally not attracted to, and there's not much I can do about that. So are we born with it? I have no idea, but I do think it's more complex than a simple yes or no answer.
Opinion 2: What about love?
The English language only has one word for love but there are many different types of love. Take a look at the Greek language for example, there's Philia, Agápe, Éros, and Storge. Agápe is basically brotherly love, it's that deep bond we feel for those that we consider family and close friends. Philia is more of a neighborly love that we (should) feel toward our acquaintances. Storge is inbetween Philia and Agápe and is more like the love shared between close friends. And then there's Éros: the physical passionate love. With the exception of the Éros type of love I feel that I could comfortably say that I could share all of these types of love with another man. In fact I think a lot of men do share a deep love with other men, but without Éros they would just be consider best friends, confidants, supports etc.
So considering that physical attraction is only a small part of love; are we in control of who we love? Putting aside the love that parents share with their children (which I believe is unconditional) I would have to say yes! Love is not only a choice but a great effort, it takes work to maintain and it definitely doesn't happen over night.
Opinion 3: Morality
Morally I'm a Christian and as such I don't believe in extramarital relations. This applies to everyone whether you're gay, straight, whatever.
Opinion 4: Marriage as a legal contract
"But it does me no injury for my neighbor to say there are twenty gods or no God. It neither picks my pocket nor breaks my leg."
-Thomas Jefferson, Notes on Virginia, 1782
I think that marriage should be legal between whom ever, what do I care? However, if it starts to impose on my religious freedom then I'm against it. For example if my church gets sued for denying to marry two men or two women, at that point it would be infringing on my freedom and I would be opposed to it.
Opinion 5: Marriage as a religious institution
Marriage has a much deeper meaning to me than a legal contract. In fact I could care less about the legal contract. The most meaningful part about my marriage is knowing that my family is eternal. The only opinion that matters when it comes to marriage as a religious institution is God's.
In conclusion I'm for legal marriage if it doesn't impose on my freedoms, and that doesn't mean that I'm ignoring or compromising my religious convictions.
2 comments:
Nathan, thanks for sharing your thoughts on this. I think for the most part I agree with most of what you've said. For me (and of course from the Catholic perspective) the issue of same-sex attraction is not really the problem, nor is whether two men or two women love each other. Those are things we can't control and shouldn't control. People have the free will to love who they want without legislation.
The issue at hand is changing the definition of marriage. Like you said, for you marriage means something much deeper than just a legal contract. I agree 100% with that. It's unfortunate for some people to attempt to redefine something that humanity holds so dear and in fact depends on for survival. Without marriage humanity will eventually cease to exist.
And if marriage is redefined then what's to stop it there? I think it would lead to the greater injustices you mentioned like the robbing of our freedom of religion. If they've forced us and our churches to purchase contraception (which we believe goes against our faith) what's to stop them from forcing us and our churches to marry two men/women? What's to stop them from fining us or shutting down our churches when we refuse to do so? What's to stop them from forcing us to teach our children in school that marriage can be between any two people without regard to gender? Or what's to stop it there, why not three or four people? It won't end here.
Gay people should have rights and they do just as much as anyone else. But to call something that isn't marriage marriage is not right. You can pretend it is, but it never will be.
As a Catholic I believe: "The matrimonial covenant, by which a man and a woman establish between themselves a partnership of the whole of life, is by its nature ordered toward the good of the spouses and the procreation and education of offspring." (CCC 1601) This can only happen if the two can become "one flesh" which can't happen in any union of persons of the same sex.
I think gay people should be treated with the same love and respect as anyone. We shouldn't do anything to take away their dignity, even if we believe their lifestyle to be contrary and harmful to that very dignity. I shouldn't be forced to accept their definition of marriage, just as they shouldn't be forced to accept my religious beliefs.
For the government to change the definition of marriage is wrong and also has consequences that I think will continue to harm our society.
Ricky, I'm largely in agreement with you. I'm only ok with the legal aspect of gay marriage, I could even care less if they call it marriage. To me there is a significant distiction. Having a judge sign a document doesn't mean anything to me. Freedom is more important to me then the definition of a word. I believe in teaching people correct principles but letting them decide for themselves.
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